I wish I could say that it doesn’t bother me when I see what looks like people getting ahead by dishonest means. I mean, sure, that is all part of this sinful world we live in and I understand that. However, when I have felt the sting of specific people’s actions and continue to see them gain popularity, I hate to say it, but it does bother me a bit. Being honest, I can even say that I am a little envious at times because my words don’t seem to drip the same sweetness to lure “the masses.”
When I experience these feelings, I submit them to God. I don’t live my life consumed by what others are doing or even wishing I had the same audacity. At the core of who I am, I have no desire to compete on those terms because I care too much. In whatever I do, I am representing Christ and the Kingdom of God and I don’t want to misrepresent the One who died for me and accepts me unconditionally. I also care about the people who God has sent me to serve and I cannot treat them in a manner that I wouldn’t want to be treated.
That is not to say that I have never resorted to the same desperate measures that now bother me so much. When I remember how I used to manipulate men to get the love and attention that I wanted, I recognize that it is not so different from the actions of those who deceive and manipulate to gain approval and popularity. I became what I thought they wanted so that I could obtain their affection in return. It worked for me until I got tired of playing the role, catering to them and not getting what I thought I deserved in exchange. My “love” came at a price that was too high, even for me to pay. Every relationship that I gained through manipulation has failed miserably.
According to the Word of God, there are promises to those who deal with others righteously (called blessings) and promises to those who deal wrongly with others (called curses). When I dealt with men deceitfully, I reaped the consequences every day. While there may have been fun moments, there wasn’t a day that went by where I wasn’t convicted or tasted misery because of my actions. There is no stability in doing things outside of what is good and right. Even a little bit of deceit, trickery, and dishonesty will ruin the foundation. The Bible says that we shouldn’t envy the success of those who do wrong because they will soon be gone and that those who are meek will inherit the prosperity. There is no longevity in building on a foundation of pretending to be someone you are not.
The lessons I learned concerning this were so hard that my eyes tear up as I consider them. The more I compromised who I really was, who God created me to be, the more death I experienced. My dreams died, my joy died, even my will to live was on its way out. Playing a role to gain love and acceptance was born out of low self-esteem but those actions bred more feelings of rejection and low self-esteem. Take a look at how this happens:
1.My regular self is not enough to impress them or hold their attention, so I will find out what they like and become that instead.
2. Now that I am playing this role, they can’t resist me! Look at how they hang on my every word! Look at how they fight over me, look at how they look for ways to serve me and keep me.
3. Something is missing. As long as I am in front of them, giving them what they want, they love me, they can’t get enough of me! But why am I still so lonely? Do they love me at all? Nothing I do is ever enough! I can’t believe this… no one ever seems to truly love me.
4. Let me try it with someone else. Surely they will appreciate me.
Sadly, the feelings of rejection snowball with every turn of this cycle because the problem is not on the outside. The problem is on the inside. When you love yourself, when you accept the love that God has for you, you no longer gyrate to the tune of whoever else seems to be able to provide the love, attention, and validation you so desperately seek. That is why the word of God says that these efforts will fail. They are based on lies.
I was trapped in this cycle for several years and when I allowed God to deliver me from it, my entire life changed. My heart aches at the thought of so many people who are trapped in this cycle of rejection, perpetuated by their own basic desire for true love. Love in its purest form is always available to each and every one of us. It is my prayer today that if you are reading this, you will understand that God is the Source of Love, the only source that can completely fill this void in our lives. As long we do things in effort to please men and obtain their validation and acceptance, we are setting ourselves up for failure. When we live to please Him, we obtain favor with God and man.
For me personally, rather than be hurt or bothered by those who I see operating in this vicious cycle of rejection, I will strive to love and pray for them, because someone surely did the same for me when I was stuck.
Be blessed!
Psalm 37
Of David.
1 Do not fret because of those who are evil
or be envious of those who do wrong;
2 for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.
3 Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun.
7 Be still before the Lord
and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.
9 For those who are evil will be destroyed,
but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.
10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
though you look for them, they will not be found.
11 But the meek will inherit the land
and enjoy peace and prosperity.
12 The wicked plot against the righteous
and gnash their teeth at them;
13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he knows their day is coming.
14 The wicked draw the sword
and bend the bow
to bring down the poor and needy,
to slay those whose ways are upright.
15 But their swords will pierce their own hearts,
and their bows will be broken.
16 Better the little that the righteous have
than the wealth of many wicked;
17 for the power of the wicked will be broken,
but the Lord upholds the righteous.
18 The blameless spend their days under the Lord’s care,
and their inheritance will endure forever.
19 In times of disaster they will not wither;
in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.
20 But the wicked will perish:
Though the Lord’s enemies are like the flowers of the field,
they will be consumed, they will go up in smoke.
21 The wicked borrow and do not repay,
but the righteous give generously;
22 those the Lord blesses will inherit the land,
but those he curses will be destroyed.
23 The Lord makes firm the steps
of the one who delights in him;
24 though he may stumble, he will not fall,
for the Lord upholds him with his hand.
25 I was young and now I am old,
yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
or their children begging bread.
26 They are always generous and lend freely;
their children will be a blessing.
27 Turn from evil and do good;
then you will dwell in the land forever.
28 For the Lord loves the just
and will not forsake his faithful ones.
Wrongdoers will be completely destroyed;
the offspring of the wicked will perish.
29 The righteous will inherit the land
and dwell in it forever.
30 The mouths of the righteous utter wisdom,
and their tongues speak what is just.
31 The law of their God is in their hearts;
their feet do not slip.
32 The wicked lie in wait for the righteous,
intent on putting them to death;
33 but the Lord will not leave them in the power of the wicked
or let them be condemned when brought to trial.
34 Hope in the Lord
and keep his way.
He will exalt you to inherit the land;
when the wicked are destroyed, you will see it.
35 I have seen a wicked and ruthless man
flourishing like a luxuriant native tree,
36 but he soon passed away and was no more;
though I looked for him, he could not be found.
37 Consider the blameless, observe the upright;
a future awaits those who seek peace.
38 But all sinners will be destroyed;
there will be no future for the wicked.
39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the Lord;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.
40 The Lord helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.
